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Oh my god my twenties were dramatic. Looking back on it now I think my best friend and I were hellbent on making every single thing in our lives hard with a capital H. Driving home from a roadtrip? We would inevitably run into insane traffic and detours that took hours to get around and we would bitch and bitch and whine and "Don't these people know we need to get home?! Don't they know who we are?! We have stuff to do!" We seriously created crisis' in most situations. At the time we worked together and her ex-boyfriend wouldn't leave her alone. Instead of kindly walking over to him to intercept a disagreement of theirs I yelled across the office for him to "leave her the fuck alone you son of a bitch! Fucking asshole just leave her alone!!!" Yes this really happened and to this day I am proud I had the balls to say what I had to say, protecting my best friend. Would I say something like that now? Probably yes but I wouldn't yell it across the office making a spectacle of myself (and my best friend.) She and I would joke that everything we did was hard and I have realized we created it to be that way. College graduation? It took both of us two semesters longer to finish college (and we didn't even find this out until we were in the middle of our last semesters of college.) Ordering fast food? Inevitably we received the wrong order. What I know now is that we got what we were creating. We created all this drama. Why? Well because drama is addicting and in the moment it is fun.
Onto thirty: The biggest difference I have noticed is I have chilled out quite a bit. I no longer ask "why me?" instead I ask "how is this perfect for me?" Of course this doesn't always work, especially when both my babies are throwing fits and I am trying to get out the door as a frazzled, harried mother. But a lot of times it really does work! Take yesterday for example. My kids were climbing up the walls, the cold weather drives us all crazy. We finally got in the car to head to the grocery store and the baby was throwing a fit. I was at the end of my rope, as we got into the store he calmed down and so did I. Later as I was reflecting on it I thought "well that was perfect for me to teach me patience." Granted I am not a patient person by nature, it is totally something I have struggled with and slowly learned to adapt to.
I have also thought a lot about previous relationships. (You know....that ONE you just never got over?) I am not in love with that guy anymore but obviously there is a piece of my heart that still loves him. I think about that sometimes and as tumultuous and as fucked up as the relationship was, it wasn't until I reached my thirties that I was able to reflect and say 'well how was that perfect for me?' and really it was. He was funny and dramatic and crazy. We had great times and horrible times. I didn't realize until my 30's that his shitty behavior really didn't have anything to do with me, it was about him and the demons he was facing. I also realized he was perfect for me at that time because he taught me to appreciate what I have now. I have a kind,hilarious, caring, gentle, hardworking, educated husband which isn't anything I would have ever appreciated without my previous boyfriend.
Thirdly, My husband and I lost a few pregnancies in my late twenties and at age 28 we had a stillborn daughter who I delivered, held and said goodbye to. At the time it was the most traumatic thing we had ever been through. I remember asking myself 'what is the lesson here?' So far I have learned from losing her is that nothing is a given, that babies are gifts, grieving is a process I needed to learn without drama, without anything toxic. Grief is magical and beautiful and it wasn't until losing our daughter that I realized, respected and came to be in awe of grieving and the grieving cycle. Was losing babies perfect for me? Was losing my daughter perfect for me? Yes it was. It is difficult to write that because it makes it seem I am glad it happened. I am not glad it happened however I realize it taught me to appreciate what we are given, appreciate what my body can do, appreciate that losing our daughter made me a much more appreciative, patient, loving, grateful mama who has an angel watching out for us. I am also a mama who tries harder to listen when the universe is trying to tell me something.
Do I still get dramatic? Oh yes, obviously being a drama queen just doesn't go away but obviously it has mellowed. Still dramatic with my best friend? You bet your ass. There are days I call my best friend and we go off crazily, like it was in our twenties.Roaring and screeching like crazies and then we laugh. A lot. The conversations can go on for 30 seconds or two hours and we always leave off usually with 'what is the lesson here' and then of course 'I love you.' We've been bridesmaids together and that shit is always dramatic (We create it to be over the top dramatic always!) but I have a soulmate in my best friend. A woman who has been with me since we were little girls and we grew into the dramatic 20's together so we get each other's drama. Thank god those insane twenties are over, but jesus they were fun.
I am 32 years old and am loving it. No more insecurities about pointless things, no more wondering what type of bra to wear or if I look good in hot pink lipstick. I know I look good in a dark red lipstick, I have amazing eyelashes, my body is nice enough and capable of great things, my feet will never be pretty, I swear like a sailor, I am an honest friend even if you don't want hear it. I wear my heart on my sleeve and that's never felt as good as it does now.
Let's embrace our 30's, Let's love those newly found wrinkles around our eyes, let's take care of ourselves, let that drama go and ask 'how is this perfect for me?'
Meghan Dymock is an amazing wife and mama to two boys ages one and two and an angel in heaven named Hazel. She takes photos and scrapbooks and occassionaly writes things for her best friend's website.
Blog: Meghan Dymock