There’s never a point when being a parent is “easy,” exactly, but there are times that are easier than others. Except for in rare cases, most parents agree that navigating their child’s teenage years is extra difficult, especially if it’s their first child.
And should that come as any surprise? If you can think back to your own teenage years, you’ll remember this period as being one of emotional and physical change that can feel uncomfortable at best, an outright nightmare at worst.
So you can’t blame your teenager for failing to remain the sweet child that they once were. The question is, how can you support them best? We’ve put together a bunch of strategies that should help make things more manageable for all involved.
Be Available to Listen
Your teenager will be going through changes that they won’t always fully understand, and that can be pretty stressful. As a parent, you can make things easier for them by offering a comforting ear. All too often, parents offer their own advice in the hope that it’ll magically solve their teenager’s problems. In reality, all they really want/need is to be listened to.
In the process, you’ll be helping to validate their identity and strengthening the parent/child bond. You’ll also make it much more likely that they’ll feel comfortable coming to you in the future, since they’ll trust that you’re someone they can turn to.
Take an Interest in Their Hobbies
Being a teenager tends to get a pretty bad rap, but it’s far from all bad. One of the fun aspects is discovering new hobbies and interests. It’s a time when your child will be experimenting with different costumes and trying new things, and they’ll enjoy that journey all the more if they have the support and backing of their parents.
Some parents tend to roll their eyes when their teenager becomes obsessed with a new interest or when they announce that they want to take up a musical instrument because they believe that it’s just a phase. It might be, but it also might be something they stick with for the rest of their life if they feel supported — and in any case, even if it is a phase, who cares? So long as they’re having fun, that’s all that matters.
Celebrate Their Wins
Being a teenager can be awkward, and it often feels like a series of ups and downs. In many instances, it’s the downs — the mood swings, for example — that become the focus.
But there’ll also be many ups, so it’s important to celebrate those victories. Making a fuss when your teenager does well in their sports match, does well in school, or just more simply acts like a good human being (being kind to strangers, for example) can help to boost their confidence and make it more likely that they’ll act that way in the future.
Give Them Chores
Your child probably won’t love the idea of doing chores when they could be doing, well, literally anything else, but there’s value in making it happen. For one thing, it can help to take one or more tasks off your ‘to-do’ list.
And for your teenager? They might prefer to be watching Netflix, but being a responsible adult involves taking care of business, and while they might be a teenager now, it won’t be all that long before they’re out in the real world. At that point, they’ll be much better-equipped to meet the demands of adulthood if they know how to wash and iron their clothes, prepare basic meals, change their bedsheets, and so forth. In other words: giving them chores is one of those things that can feel like a punishment, but it’s actually one of the best ways to support their development.
Be Alert to Potential Problems
As we mentioned above, it’s not always easy being a teenager. They’re trying to figure out who they are, navigating physical and emotional changes, and they have to deal with schoolwork, social groups, and all the other responsibilities and pressures that modern teenagers have to deal with. In this context, it’s sadly not all that surprising that more adolescents than ever are dealing with mental health disorders.
Parents can go a long way towards supporting their teenager’s mental well-being by creating a psychologically safe home environment and offering a sympathetic ear for when they want to talk, but it’s also important to acknowledge when professional help may be required. Recognizing the signs that your teen needs therapy allows for early intervention, which can make it easier to address any issues before they become more serious concerns. Through the process of therapy, your teenager will learn coping skills and build resilience, both of which can be hugely beneficial both during their teenage years and into adulthood.
Give Them Space
It is, of course, important not to give teenagers too much space. That goes without saying. Some parents have the opposite issue, however, and don’t give their teenager as much space as they need. That’s not as damaging as giving complete freedom, but it’s still damaging. Your child needs space to explore and be themselves, and also just to have fun. Parents who over-monitor their children tend to cause damage in ways they wouldn’t expect. If they’re meeting all their responsibilities and showing maturity, then a little bit of space is merited.
Limit Their Screentime
There are a lot of older people who say, thank goodness I was raised without the internet, which is quite telling. There’s a growing body of research that shows that excessive screen time can affect brain development and cause other issues, but even if that research didn’t exist, most of us would still be aware that spending too much time looking at a device is not recommended. So look at limiting their screentime, such as by having a “no devices” policy during certain hours (for everyone, not just your child). Your teenager might put up some — or a lot — of resistance at first, but they’ll likely thank you one day.
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