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When Girl Meets 30

Dating: Should I Contact Him? When To Text and Call

August 25, 2011 By Erin Kennedy 3 Comments

With texting being the new way to “court” someone, it can be hard to adjust. Especially for us Thirty girls. We can still remember what dating was before cell phones, and actually having to get a real phone call to get asked out on a date, or just to talk through all hours of the night. I think texting has stolen those special moments of being on the phone all night trying to get to know each other, laughing and going to work on 2 hours sleep. Is it laziness that causes men to only text nowadays? Or are they hiding behind the big green curtain, and not have to deal with the dreaded fear of rejection.

With social media use being at it’s highest ever, there is no reason you can’t get a hold of someone at a moments notice, from Facebook to Twitter, e-mail and of course the phone. Especially with all of the Smartphones and Iphones and all of the creative Apps.

So what about us? When to call him, or text him? It can be so stressful. The feeling of a pit in your stomach. There seems to be so many different tips and advice on the subject. We wanted to just touch on some of the issues that you may have do deal with, or question your own judgement if you really like the guy. We did a lot of research on this, and this is what seems to be the way to handle dating in the new age of technology.


Before the First Date

Do NOT call him if he didn’t give you his number. This might seem like a no-brainer, but sometimes your mind can play trick on you when you really want to see this guy again. There are ways to get his number, Facebook, LinkedIn or calling his work, but then you run the risk of the guy thinking that you are a stalker. And even if he doesn’t, you have lost all the power. He will know that you want him, and then he may lose interest. Those first few dates of  wonder can be such a fun time, and he loves a chase.

DO call him if he gave you his number, card or flirtatiously put his number in your phone without you knowing, or any other way he gave you his digits. When my husband and I first started hanging out, I was going out of town and he told me to call him when I got back, but we had never called each other yet. I was very hesitant in making the first move, so I text him to see if  he would work for me, and say “hi.” He wasn’t that impressed, but I didn’t know how to handle it. But he really did want me to call him. It can be mixed messaged about calling him first or making the first move, but if he told you to call, he really wants you to call. This is not a time to be coy. Call him, or text like they all do. The ball is in your court.



After the First Date
Wait your turn. If you just made the plans, or initiated the last call, then you should let him pull some weight and make the call. Besides at this point, it tells you how he feels. If you make the plans again, you will never know if he is into seeing you. If he doesn’t call, then you know it is time to let it go.

Do Not call just to chat. This may be hard for some of you, because what is the harm to just chat? Finding out how his sick Grandmother is, or because you saw something that reminded you of an inside joke from your first date. You may think you are being sweet or thoughtful, but it is too early and can come across as clingy. You want to leave some mystery for him to figure out. You can tell him that story or ask about his grandmother on the second date. It is far too early for the daily play by play.
When You Are Dating Each Other
When you are dating him or starting to see each other, means you have been hanging out at least once a week for about 4 – 6 weeks. It can take years to really know each other, this is an important step to the relationship and you still don’t want to push it too far. But at this time, you should know each others schedule, sense of humor and the way he runs his life. At this point, you should have the confidence that he likes you and you should run with it. You can be flirty and send him funny e-mails, or texts, but there is a fine line. You don’t want to send him a lengthy text that should be said in person. You also don’t want him talking to his friends about your excessive texting and wonder how many texts he will get while he is hanging out with his friends for happy hour.

Do Not change your plans or evening to get back to him. If you are with your friends at a movie/meeting/party, don’t step out to take his call or call him back. Just send him a text saying you will get back to him, or don’t do anything, and call him back later. It is still too early to be the emergency contact person in his life.

Do call him if some concert or fun event comes up that you think he would enjoy. Don’t worry too much about the whole taking turns thing anymore. If you have already been on four dates, you know by now you enjoy each other’s company and that he is willing to make time in his schedule for you.

Filed Under: love, Relationships

Comments

  1. TwiceCharmed says

    August 26, 2011 at 1:33 am

    I think all great advice for us over thirty’s…. I’ve recently written about this and I do believe that text has it’s time and place and can be a handy little flirtatious tool. I find too much lately that too many text only relationships are occurring, and the result is much textual frustration.

    Reply
  2. Life After Piggie Smalls says

    August 26, 2011 at 7:20 am

    If I gave a guy my number, I would be disappointed if he sent a text first. I would take it as a sign that he’s a little wimp! So I could imagine guys would feel the same way if they gave you their number.

    This is good advice, because as simple as it seems, it’s not so simple! Many of my girlfriends agonize over if they should call, should they wait, etc etc.

    Reply
  3. Dr. Reginia says

    August 27, 2011 at 10:50 am

    These are great tips. I say, don’t give more to him than he’s giving to you. Women often give too much time, effort and …., way too soon. If a person is interested, they will show they are interested.

    Reply

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Erin Kennedy is the editor of My Thirty Spot, a lifestyle blog for sharing tips and stories for women in their 30s to live the best 30 lives we can. Read More →

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