The older I get, the faster December creeps into my life and the more I wish I was an organized shopper/planner/hostess/human. Instead, I woke up last week and realized that I have done zero holiday shopping, I have four dinners to host and all of my Christmas decorations are trapped in dusty boxes down in the basement. There are so many lies heaped on us about the holiday season, perhaps it’s just me, but every year seems to bring more expectations and less time to fulfill them. Here are some common sayings that swirl around during this time of year, each bringing their own fallacy.
-Happy Shopping
Wrong. Unless you are a masochist, walking into any store between the dates of November 25th and January 10th, is the most wretched way to spend fifteen hours of your day for the joy of purchasing milk and stocking stuffers. “Look at all these great deals”, I hear people scream from the rafters. I scream back “Look at that lady who just cut you off, stole that toy out of your basket and has back hair peeking out from the top of her halter dress.” Did someone forget to tell her it was seventeen below zero outside? There is absolutely nothing happy about shopping right now. It’s a means to an end. I huff and puff through aisles cursing every person who is not sprinting, throwing items into my cart that will never fit my kids and evil eyeing every single person in the twenty items or less line. It’s forced shopping and it has me in the running for most neurotic human on the planet. I for one am not happy about the shopping.
-Merry and Bright
Nope, neither of these adjectives will work at any point during December. Perhaps a more apt term would be “Grumpy and Irritable”. It may not be inspiring for your holiday cards, but then again maybe it would. Imagine a photo that portrayed what your kids really look like on a morning without Fruity Pebbles, after you have told them they have to go to school regardless of the three feet of snow outside. There you all are, dirty pajamas, young ones screaming and you pulling out what is left of your eyebrows. That’s a holiday card I could really get behind and at no time would it make me feel either merry or bright.
