Dear Dirty Flirty Thirty,
We have yet to meet, but in a couple of months I will be granted the pleasure of embracing your essence. Hopefully you will allow me the opportunity to inherit your confidence, experience the beauty in vulnerability, walk your path of life in sexy 5 inch stiletto heels, and carry the full weight of your crown with grace of a true Queen.
My twenties have been filled with a lot of fun times, a lot of crazy times, and a lot of pain. I can’t say that I don’t have any regrets because I have a few. Not knowing how to cry, not knowing how to effectively communicate my emotions, and feeling as if I could take care of everything by myself. You see, in my 20s I figured that I had to be “tough”, no signs of weakness. Horrible things would happen and I would just internalize it and not revisit the emotion anymore. I would convince myself that it was “no big deal”….unknowingly creating all this unnecessary baggage for myself. I lived most of my 20s as a shell, cold on the outside, and really no type of feelings on the inside. I didn’t want to feel weak, or hurt, or regret, so feeling nothing was the better alternative. Feeling nothing also meant that I was unable to truly feel happiness, love, or peace to their fullest extent either. I robbed myself of so much.
In my 20s I have gotten arrested, been betrayed, lied to, hurt, and lost my grandmother (who was like a mother to me) and I’ve only cried around four times within the span of those 10 years.
Now, don’t get me wrong, my 20s was definitely not a 10 year long pity party! In my 20s I was blessed with the responsibility of becoming a mother. To experience what it feels like to love a person unconditionally is divine. I look at my son, who is now 5, and it’s as if he is perfection personified, even when he’s acting like a demon. I partied and got crazy, maybe TOO crazy. I traveled, took several secret weekend getaways to various places. Even though I don’t use it as often as I should, I have a great and solid support system of friends. I also found direction in my life, I started my own e-boutique and putting a smile on my customers’ faces is really a natural high for me. The span of 2002 to 2012 was filled with laughs, fun, alcohol, and plenty of embarrassing pictures on Facebook to document the recklessness J
Farewell to the decade that taught me valuable lessons. Life lessons that I was too lazy, stubborn and immature to apply properly in life….as I approach my 30s I’m slowly realizing that its okay to be vulnerable, its okay to have emotions and work through them in a healthy manner, its okay to simply be ME, whatever that is at any given moment. I am wiser now.
Ms. Dirty Flirty 30, please have a cold stiff drink waiting for me when I see you in October, I have plenty of devious plans for us, none to be documented in Facebook pictures though, as I said, I am wiser now ;)
Shimika is a Mommy to a wild 5 year old and 2 cats. She is also the owner of the E-boutique Intoxicating Vixen. Her hobbies are watching netflix all night and being a internet nerd. :)