The Magic of Being in Your 30s: Love For 30 Project
I am a highly sensitive introvert and sometimes snort when I laugh. I am Asian American who loves comedians Chris Rock and Jim Gaffigan. I take precisely 2 hour naps, not a minute more or less. I love feeling strong and drinking protein shakes even against my mom’s wishes for fear of becoming overly muscular. I love watching ducks for fun and get a kick out of identifying them. I don’t care if it’s mostly retired couples that go duck watching. As a woman in her thirties I got to say that this is the best decade so far because…
You can let yourself out and be okay with it
I am the stereotypical Asian who studied endlessly in college and spent a lot of time in my head cross examining myself. I read every book and website that could explain my tendencies. Quiet. Savored my alone time. Behind the scenes kind of person and very introspective.
How come I could not muster the energy to go out every night like the typical college student and craved alone time after a long day? I understood I was introverted but I did not want to accept who I was.
I imitated others who were opposite of my nature: high energy, upbeat in social situations, and very gregarious. I pretended to be someone else other than myself. I talked about artificial nonsense and potato chips news about celebrities. I was pretending to be hip and cool. I tried to get people to like me by being like them. I exhausted myself trying to keep up.
As a full-fledged tax paying adult, I learned that what makes other people happy doesn’t necessarily make me happy. I began to pursue more of what worked for me as a person and started to thrive.
I now have a small group of tight knit friends who know me like I know myself. I learned that I thrived in dinner meet-ups where I got to take part of the conversation and listened deeply to others. I enjoyed activities in smaller groups so I could really get to know people and build relationships with them. I accepted my quiet way of socializing. It became more fulfilling and invigorating for me. I also learned to….
Have the guts to believe in myself
In my early 20s I was in a crappy relationship. I aspired, hoped, and wished that there would be a happy ending. But deep down I knew I wanted to leave but couldn’t find the guts. Fear held me back while a heap of denial postponed the inevitable.
No one knew the darkness that existed in my relationship because I was ashamed to let anyone in.
How could a bright person like me let myself get stuck in an abusive relationship? I was the woman who loved her man, who isolated herself to protect him and put up with his behavior. It took me a long time to come to the realization that the state of my relationship is not going to change.
If I wanted my future to be different I needed to leave my present relationship. It took a lot of careful planning. The hardest part was mustering the guts to follow through and being able to accept the emotional repercussions after I left. There were a handful of times where I failed to follow through with my plans and the trust I had in myself was beginning to lessen.
I knew if I did not take action I would be in exact same place and situation one year from now. I chose to change the course of my life and on June 1 I executed my plan and never looked back.
This turning point is a life lesson because it showed me how life changing taking action can be. I took the risk to leave my abusive relationship and left the first time around. The average women leaves seven times before she leaves for good.
When I feel doubtful or uncertain about my abilities I recall this turning point to give me strength. Years later I am engaged to a wonderful man who goes duck watching with me, entertains my weird sense of humor and brings me a roll of toilet paper when I am balling my eyes about a sappy romance movie.
At this point in my thirties I realized to…
Never underestimate my capabilities
As an Asian American I grew up with values such as discipline, filial piety, and frugality. I also grew up with lots of white rice. Every meal meant eating a bowl of rice or in my case four bowls of rice. I could pack away the rice and was darn proud of it. You wouldn’t believe how much rice I could eat!
Then one day I signed up to get personal training online because I wanted new workouts and to put on some muscle. Once I signed up I looked at the diet I was put on. My jaw dropped. No carbs the first month!
My brain came up with a long list of excuses to justify why I could not comply with the no carb diet. “I’m Asian. How can you make me part with my rice?” my brain screamed. I’m going to starve. I’m going to suffer. What am I going to eat?!
The first week on the no carb diet had me salivating at the thought of crackers and rice. I literally stared at the cracker box for minutes in my cabinet contemplating their flavor and crunch. I had to throw away all the carbs in my kitchen for fear of giving in.
At week two my desire for carbs subsided. As long as it was out of sight, carbs rarely crossed my mind. Lunch time at work was particularly hard because everyone would be eating a lot of carbs. I had to look away to decrease my temptation for rice.
When the end of the month rolled around I was overjoyed and relieved but at the same time proud. I was no longer chained to give in to my desire to eat carbs. I was liberated!
Six months after I finished the personal training the discipline to carb cycle has become part of my lifestyle. I no longer eat as much carbs as I used to because of the habits I created. After thinking I could never ever go without carbs, I just did so for a full month. I am in control of my food choices. This empowered me to say I am much more capable than I gave myself credit for at the beginning.
Being in your 30s some people say it’s old but I say it’s all a mindset. Your outlook and events in your life begins with you. We all are huge life forces and capable of becoming what we want. If you didn’t live it up in your 20s do so your 30s!
About Candace Wong
She has a mission to help smart, educated women find love. She helps women be confident in dating to create genuine, long lasting relationships with Mr. Right who will make them feel spectacular inside and out instead of feeling like they have to settle. You can find her at www.createahappylovelife.com