Each person’s maturity level is different. My mother always used to tell me I was 20 going on 40. And I believed I was in a lot of ways. But at the same time, I became arrogant in my 20s because I thought I was mature enough to handle anything and everything.
I got married when I was 24 years old – young for this generation but it was the right time for me. My husband came out of a nine-year marriage and it wasn’t pretty when it ended.
But because I was convinced I was mature for my age, I stuck to the notion that we are right and the ex-wife was wrong – always. I could not see what she was going through – the hardships of coming out of a long-term marriage, being a single mum, working to support herself, living in a city with very little friends, the heartaches and pains. I could not empathize and was adamant that I was right in thinking she deserved all that pain.
It was pure arrogance.
When it was pointed out to me that I might not have the experience to understand the complexities of ex relationships, I retaliated like a kid in a tantrum. I am mature enough, full stop.
Even in my relationship with hubby when we first started, I was quite arrogant too. I mostly refused to accept my wrongs, or apologize for my mistakes. I had unrealistic expectations of what a marriage or a husband should be like. I wanted him to constantly be in battle with his ex even if it was emotionally taxing.
I was strong, yes, but still arrogant.
Aside from that, I was unmerciful to my body, thinking it will always bounce back. I drank too much. I ate junk food constantly. I partied like there was no tomorrow. Merciless. It caught up with me, of course. All 20kg of it. And I think everyone knows that it’s harder to lose it than to gain it.
I’m in my early 30s now. And after entering this decade of my life, this is what I know:
– I am more sympathetic to my husband’s ex wife to the point where we all have a good relationship (like dinners and trips to the zoo), which makes life much easier and peaceful. Although I still have to admit it to her, I know I was in the wrong with a lot of the things I thought in the past.
– I am more aware of what my body needs and doesn’t need. I am regretting what I’ve done to it for a decade. My body has proven its strength, giving me a wonderful daughter after over 26 hours of labor. My body is commendable.
– I am wiser with what I want to do with my career and therefore happier with the direction I am taking. I am confident with what I can do and have stopped constantly questioning my skills.
– And lastly, I am more understanding of my husband and what a marriage can be. I can safely say we have a delicious marriage. Yes, delicious.
I’m in my early 30s. It can only get better.
Kristyn is the blogger behind MummyK (http://mummyk.com). She is a journalist, photographer, and first time children’s book author. She is enjoying life with her IT consultant/musician husband and three year-old toddler in Sydney, Australia.
She tweets as @themummyk.