Each person’s maturity level is different. My mother always used to tell me I was 20 going on 40. And I believed I was in a lot of ways. But at the same time, I became arrogant in my 20s because I thought I was mature enough to handle anything and everything.
I got married when I was 24 years old – young for this generation but it was the right time for me. My husband came out of a nine-year marriage and it wasn’t pretty when it ended.
But because I was convinced I was mature for my age, I stuck to the notion that we are right and the ex-wife was wrong – always. I could not see what she was going through – the hardships of coming out of a long-term marriage, being a single mum, working to support herself, living in a city with very little friends, the heartaches and pains. I could not empathize and was adamant that I was right in thinking she deserved all that pain.
It was pure arrogance.
When it was pointed out to me that I might not have the experience to understand the complexities of ex relationships, I retaliated like a kid in a tantrum. I am mature enough, full stop.
Even in my relationship with hubby when we first started, I was quite arrogant too. I mostly refused to accept my wrongs, or apologize for my mistakes. I had unrealistic expectations of what a marriage or a husband should be like. I wanted him to constantly be in battle with his ex even if it was emotionally taxing.
I was strong, yes, but still arrogant.
Aside from that, I was unmerciful to my body, thinking it will always bounce back. I drank too much. I ate junk food constantly. I partied like there was no tomorrow. Merciless. It caught up with me, of course. All 20kg of it. And I think everyone knows that it’s harder to lose it than to gain it.
I’m in my early 30s now. And after entering this decade of my life, this is what I know:
– I am more sympathetic to my husband’s ex wife to the point where we all have a good relationship (like dinners and trips to the zoo), which makes life much easier and peaceful. Although I still have to admit it to her, I know I was in the wrong with a lot of the things I thought in the past.
– I am more aware of what my body needs and doesn’t need. I am regretting what I’ve done to it for a decade. My body has proven its strength, giving me a wonderful daughter after over 26 hours of labor. My body is commendable.
– I am wiser with what I want to do with my career and therefore happier with the direction I am taking. I am confident with what I can do and have stopped constantly questioning my skills.
– And lastly, I am more understanding of my husband and what a marriage can be. I can safely say we have a delicious marriage. Yes, delicious.
I’m in my early 30s. It can only get better.
Kristyn is the blogger behind MummyK (http://mummyk.com). She is a journalist, photographer, and first time children’s book author. She is enjoying life with her IT consultant/musician husband and three year-old toddler in Sydney, Australia.
She tweets as @themummyk.
Thanks for this opportunity Erin!!
Wow. I hope that the 30’s bring the ame kind of self understanding and assurance for me that they have you.
I am constantly told I seem older than what I am. I think that in itself can be a burden because I am still only 25, and yep, sometimes I need to act my age, to go out, and run a muck and blow off steam. There is a pressure to always appear level headed and mature when you’re told that you seem it, and a lot of shock when you are doing nothing wrong but acting your age.
You learn as you grow older but there is no problem “acting your age” as long as you are safe and no one gets hurt :)
Great post Kristyn. I have just turned 30 and am looking forward to seeing what this decade holds for me. I feel like in the last year even, I have undergone quite an attitude adjustment and am taking responsibility for my own happiness. It’s a great age I think .