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When Girl Meets 30

The Lessons I Learned From My Ex-Boyfriend

March 8, 2017 By Erin Kennedy 4 Comments

It seems as though, through most of my dating life I was either trying to forget about an ex-boyfriend, or try to figure out what went wrong with the relationship.

Just when I thought I would never give them a second thought, my girlfriend ran into a mutual friend who knows my ex. Obviously, I was very curious.  After more than a decade of not seeing him, why am I so intrigued as to “where is he now?”  As soon as my friends mention, “I ran into so and so,” my heart still skipped a beat.

It has nothing to do with  having feelings still, or any regret, but there was always the thought of what-if? Always in the back of my mind, secretly waiting for that phone call to beg for my forgiveness and say that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Not so we could get back together, but just for my ego.  Hearing the updates from my friend about my ex and his current status, made me realize a few things:

  • If I did not have the heartbreak from  my “bad boyfriends” I would have never recognized a “good guy” when I met my husband.
  • Having the heartbreak made me a stronger, more independent woman who helped me learn to depend on myself a little more.
  • I did learn I am a bit of a control freak, so when it came to finding a wonderful mate I knew he needed to be laid back.
  • With each break-up I learned how important communication is. I don’t think yelling counts, but I had to learn that the hard way. I was definitely a yeller in my previous relationships, that doesn’t help anything.
  • Compatibility is important to come naturally. You cannot force it, something that I tried to do so many times when I was younger. I would almost forget what I liked because I was so focused on what he liked. I could lose myself very easily, but I see now, that also came with immaturity.
  • Where he is now, is not where I wanted to be in 10 years back then, and not where I would want to be now.
  • Giving a lot and not getting much back in return is a big red flag. I would try to buy things, and do little things to show I cared with not much reciprocation. Usually if they are not showing you they love you, they might not be that into it. Actions speak louder than words is a big lesson that took me years to learn.

After hearing about what his life is like more than 16 years later, helped me realize I couldn’t be happier with my life and it was also thanks to him. I guess what they say is correct, everything happens for a reason. I believe that everyone has to have that one relationship that is so rough, and breaks you to your core that you can only appreciate goodness when it is your turn.

Oh the late ’90s and early ‘2000s. What is with the dark makeup? I don’t know what I was thinking?!
This was taken a few months later on vacation. Check out the date! I can’t believe this was almost 17 years ago! I wish I could have seen that natural makeup looks so much better than that paint I was plastering on my face for years!

 

Filed Under: Featured, Life

Comments

  1. Daneilia @ Anchors Away says

    March 24, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    I love all the lessons learned :)

    Reply
  2. My Thirty Spot says

    March 24, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    Thanks Daneilia, it was a long and hard road with lots of heartbreak, but totally worth it to appreciate my hubby!

    Reply
  3. Anonymous says

    February 3, 2014 at 6:40 pm

    So true how we look back on ex-flames and realize it is nothing compared to where we are now and how we think that it was all for the best. I have some exes I am SO glad I’m not longer with.

    Also, what you said about giving and not getting in return being a big red flag is true. When someone can’t be reciprocal in a relationship with you, it’s not worth it to try to force it or make it happen.

    Reply
  4. Tim says

    March 28, 2017 at 4:54 pm

    Interesting read, sorry to hear you dated such jerks back in the day :)

    Reply

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Erin Kennedy is the editor of My Thirty Spot, a lifestyle blog for sharing tips and stories for women in their 30s to live the best 30 lives we can. Read More →

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