The Lessons I Learned From My Ex-Boyfriend

It seems as though, through most of my dating life I was either trying to forget about an ex-boyfriend, or try to figure out what went wrong with the relationship.

Just when I thought I would never give them a second thought, my girlfriend ran into a mutual friend who knows my ex. Obviously, I was very curious.  After more than a decade of not seeing him, why am I so intrigued as to “where is he now?”  As soon as my friends mention, “I ran into so and so,” my heart still skipped a beat.

It has nothing to do with  having feelings still, or any regret, but there was always the thought of what-if? Always in the back of my mind, secretly waiting for that phone call to beg for my forgiveness and say that I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Not so we could get back together, but just for my ego.  Hearing the updates from my friend about my ex and his current status, made me realize a few things:

• If I did not have the heartbreak from  my “bad boyfriends” I would have never recognized a “good guy” when I met my husband.

• Having the heartbreak made me a stronger, more independent woman who helped me learn to depend on myself a little more.

• I did learn I am a bit of a control freak, so when it came to finding a wonderful mate I knew he needed to be laid back.

• With each break-up I learned how important communication is. I don’t think yelling counts, but I had to learn that the hard way. I was definitely a yeller in my previous relationships, that doesn’t help anything.

• Compatibility is important to come naturally. You cannot force it, something that I tried to do so many times when I was younger. I would almost forget what I liked because I was so focused on what he liked. I could lose myself very easily, but I see now, that also came with immaturity.

• Where he is now, is not where I wanted to be in 10 years back then, and not where I would want to be now.

• Giving a lot and not getting much back in return is a big red flag. I would try to buy things, and do little things to show I cared with not much reciprocation. Usually if they are not showing you they love you, they might not be that into it. Actions speak louder than words is a big lesson that took me years to learn.

After hearing about what his life is like more than 16 years later, helped me realize I couldn’t be happier with my life and it was also thanks to him. I guess what they say is correct, everything happens for a reason. I believe that everyone has to have that one relationship that is so rough, and breaks you to your core that you can only appreciate goodness when it is your turn.