You’re clear on what you want (mostly)
After a few good, bad, and ugly relationships, flings and one night’s stands, you know what kind of person and people you want in your life. You’ve gotten to know yourself better by now and you know when you want a relationship, a fling, or a one night stand, and the indelicate difference between them. All of these are good for different periods and phases in life.
You know your body’s deepest desires
Again, after the relationships, flings, one night stands and private time buffing the muff, you’ve worked out your personal erogenous zones (mine is back of the neck), maximum nipple pressure (sometimes based on time of month), the inner and outer workings of your honey pot, right down to which positions get you to the finish line the fastest and with the most intensity.
You drop it when it doesn’t suit
When we were younger, especially as women, we were trying to please, trying to fit into someone’s life whether it works for us or not. By 30, you’re more than ready to give them/it the boot for a huge variety of reasons that makes a person/it not right for you.
You have douche bag vision (whether you choose to see it or not)
Finally! Your retinas have grown a layer of so much value. The dudes who have a fancier way of saying they are unemployed, living off their mother, and constantly need to borrow $30 are no longer sliding under the radar. If you are still dating this vampire (one who is sucking the life out of you) then that’s a choice, no more ignorance is bliss for you. And remember that’s not natural good looks, it’s waxing their eyebrows, dying their hair, working out only the arms and chest, and wearing their V-necks far too tight.
No more giving of “fucks”
The best part of being in your 30s is you suddenly stop giving a crap about so many things you once thought was important above all else. No more for the strangers subtly judging you, if your date considers you too much, whether your parents support your life choices and finally weeding out energy thieves posing as friends.
Now that you’re not giving fucks, here a few things you could start doing: singing in the street, dancing for yourself and nobody else, end a crappy date early by telling it like it is and, my favorite, telling your parents who you really are.
You know your worth
Self-love baby. You’ve been killing it since birth, we all have our screw ups and bad days, but you’ve come to place of believing in yourself. You’ve been a supportive and uplifting friend, and you’re learning to be your own best friend now, and if anybody tries to blow out your flame, you Athena (Goddess of war) all over that bitch.
You could go with or without them
You’ve got a reliable vibrator, a career path, and a tribe of women; if he’s not adding to your life then he’s not in it. Nuff said.
You figured out that soulmates don’t make a relationship work
You’ve detoxed from Disney’s brain-washing and now understand one of two things:
- That soulmates don’t exist. Everlasting love is a choice made several times a day.
- That a relationship, even with a soulmate, is a series of compromises, talking way too much about fluffy feelings, accepting the not so gorgeous parts of their personality and a whole shit-load of forgiveness.
Oh the sweet release of years of shame, blame and self-loathing, a fresh start whenever you need it. The sun can’t shine everyday but you pick yourself up and come back to place of self-reliance, self-love, choice, and not settling for less than your worth. Welcome to your 30s.
Alicia Meek is a dating and lifestyle expert and the author of “Far From Love Stories – Modern Dating in the City” scheduled for publication in Fall 2016.
Alicia is also a dance instructor and a Registered Nutritionist.